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Held at gunpoint, Beautiful Women & Spitwads

/ 39:10/E23
Sometimes in a time of crises the funniest things happen.










georgepmonty@gmail.com



Speaker 0 (0s): What's up. How's everybody feeling out there, guys. Enjoy your weekend. Did you have a, do anything special? Hanging out with the family, have a couple drinks, maybe have too many drinks on Friday, too many drinks on Saturday. You get up and go to church on Sunday. What'd you guys do anything fun? Oh, I'm just checking in on you guys. You know what I love you. 

You know, I haven't seen you for a couple of days and wanting to start this week off the right way. Give you guys something, hopefully to laugh about something, to think about so much tragedy going on right now. So much chaos. It kind of got me thinking it got me thinking about how in times of chaos in times of absolute uncertainty, you can find, I think you can find some pretty good humor. 

You can find that little golden nugget of comedy. And I want to give you an example of something that happened to me back when I was a young buck, I was probably, I don't know, let's say 17, 17 year old George Monte working at a pizza place. And it was up it's called ProQuest pizza, man. Some of you guys know upper crust pizza. 

They make a phenomenal pizza. This Italian guy, Frank DeStefano runs it. It was like a happening spot man. And like Frank would hire a bunch of kids. And when I say kids, I mean, you know, everywhere between 15 to like 26 and it was, it was, it was popping there, man. And it was all the, it kind of reminded me of you guys from that show happy days. And they, they would all go to like Al's diner, wasn't Al's diner, you know, were Fonzie would hit the jukebox and you'd be like, Hey, the music would come on. 

But all the kids would go there is what I'm trying to say. It was like, it was the happening hangout. And especially Fridays and Saturdays, like Fridays and Saturdays, it would just be packed in there, like standing room only. And just so, because everybody's listening to this, I'm going to try to give you some dimensions. So you would walk, you, you would drive up and then you would walk in the glass doors and you would tell the glass, you would go in the double glass doors on your right hand side would be a takeout window with a cash register. And then straight ahead of you would be the dine-in register about 10 feet from the door. 

And then you would follow all the way down the corridor. And there would be a bar where you would get your drinks, you know, be it soda or beer or wine or, or whatever. And then it opened up and like a really big dining room that probably had an occupancy of maybe 230 people. So it was a relatively large place, had a big screen TV and just think of your local pizza joint, man. Everybody's got a pizza joint in their, in their town or at least they did when I was growing up and this pizza place, it wasn't in a really bad area, but it wasn't in like a, a great area. 

It was kind of an older part of town. And it just so happened that that place got robbed a couple of times. And it just so happened that I was there two times it got robbed. And I don't know if anybody has ever been held at gunpoint before, but it can be kind of traumatic. It can also be kind of humorous. I know what you're thinking. It doesn't sound very funny. And it wasn't funny at the time, but looking back at it, there was some funny things that happened. 

So the first time, the first time was like on a Wednesday night and there was a three man closing crew. It was me, my friend ward and the manager, Frank de Stefano, and anybody who's ever worked in like a restaurant business knows that like right before, you're about to close. We were closing at 10 o'clock and like we were wiping down the counters and we're putting stuff away and doing the dishes. 

And, you know, there was only three people there. And so it turned out that Frank, he was in the very back part of like the, a, he was actually working on dishes back there. We had the industrial dish cleaner and that kind of stuff. And he took it upon himself just to be the dish guy for that night. I was wiping down like the counters and cleaning up all the dough and you know, putting stuff away and ward, he was out mopping the floor. So he was out in the game room. 

And the game room I forgot to mention is right. When you walk into double doors, instead of turning to the right to the cash register, you would take a left and you'd walk down about 20 feet. And there would be a game room that had like, I don't know, maybe 10 arcade games in there. And so about nine 50, nobody in the building, nobody there I'm wiping down. I'm ready to close. Get out of there. And ward comes back with the mop and the bucket and he says, George, we're going to get robbed right now. 

People are gonna kill us. And ward was kind of a jokester, but you could tell by the look on his face, he wasn't joking. So I'm like, dude, what are you talking about? That's what do you mean? And he's like, man, I was mopping the game room and I seen two guys outside the game room window with a gun man. And they were talking, 

Speaker 1 (5m 59s): I'm like, what the hell are you talking about? He goes, yeah, dude. He's like, I'm pretty sure they're gonna come in here and Rob us. And I was, you know, in that moment, that's one of those moments where time kind of slows down and you're like, Whoa, I'm trying to process this information from this guide. Obviously I don't want to get robbed or shot or anything like that, but I want to take him seriously. So he comes, he comes into the kitchen area and we're talking and he goes, man, I'm telling you, dude, shit's about to go down. 

And as he says that, I look up, like, I hear the door. You know, when the door opens, it has like a little bell, like ding, ding, ding, ding. And so as soon as we're talking, all of a sudden you hear that ding, ding, like someone came in through the front door. And so we get kind of quiet and we look up to the dining registered and there's two guys just staring at us at the dining register, like waiting to order. 

And ward looks at me and I look at him and he's because he doesn't say anything with his words, but his eyes tell me, Hey, these are the guys. And so the guys, the registers, they don't say anything. They're just, so now I'm I am a good processing. What word said? So I call it Frank, the manager from the back, Hey Frank, can you get the Dynon register? And you know, Frank was in a hurry. He wanted to get out of there. 

So Frank comes up from the back and he looks at us just standing there. And then he looks at them. Guys are the diamond register. And he looks back at me and ward. And he's like, dude, what the hell? What's wrong with you guys? And more reaches out to grab on Frank shirt, but Frank kind of shrugged them off. And so Frank walks up to the dining register and he goes, what can I get for you? The guy pulls out a gun and aims and a, and he's like, all your money. 

One guy comes around and he points a gun at me. And Warren tells us to get on the ground. It was kind of, it was pretty traumatic. I mean, looking back on it, I don't think I was in any real danger, but it was, it was traumatic. What I found really interesting was that, you know, after they robbed us or whatever, nobody got hurt, we called the cops and the cops came down and they took our statements. 

And what I thought was really interesting was that the cops, they, they separate you. And then you, you give your statements individually. So we did that. And then after the cops left, we were sitting around talking and I asked Warren, Hey, what, what did the guy ask you? Did he ask you the same questions? He asked me? And it turned out, the cops asked all three of us the exact same questions. However, all three of us had a different description of the perpetrators. 

I had them wearing a blue hat ward, had a wearing a red hat. I had them like at five, six ward hat on like at six one, you know? And I kind of, well, not really humorous. It's it's interesting too. Think about how your perception of reality changes in times of crisis. It's interesting to think about how your perception of reality changes when you're threatened and it lends credence to the idea yeah. 

That, you know, your site is not for accuracy. Your site is for survival. So fast forward, about another six months, this was on a Friday night. And this is where I found this one has a little bit more humor to it. Fast forward, Friday night, it was grad night for Vista high school. There was inside. We had everybody working. We probably had 25 employees working. We were like a hive of bees. 

There's people walking in and out of the kitchen, into the dining area. There's a line of people at the bar for drinks, because there is a no pizzas in the oven. People making pizzas, people, delivering pizzas and the dining room is like full capacity. And so we're working, moving right along, you know, and everybody's working, having a good time and the people are eating and all of a sudden you hear this, everybody get the fuck on the ground right now. 

I'm going to kill you. And then any relative shin, any reduction of chaos, women's screaming, kids screaming, you know, and I, I remember looking out the dining room and people are under their tables. It was, again, it was one of those moments where it's like a flashbulb memory where you're like, I can recall it. 

And it seems like it was, it's still pretty fresh. And so as I give you the description before, there was three guys, one guy can't, they came in the double doors and one guy went to the right and he covered the takeout register. The other guy came in straight and covered the dine-in register. And the third guy, he came off all the way towards the bar register, where there's a little opening where the servers would go in and out to deliver pizza to the tables. 

And you could go out and bus tables. So that little hallway, the third guy came running in through there. And then he came into the kitchen and he was pointing at his gun. And again was just screaming at all of us to get on the ground and making some threats. I happened to be right by the bar register where the guy walked in, could see his gun, had a buddy of mine. My buddy, Kevin, Kevin was older than me. And Kevin was a big guy. 

He was probably six, say six to maybe two 30. Think about like a, like a college football linemen. And that's what this guy looked like. He was a big guy, really funny, super cool guy. And he was working the bar registered, you know? And so there's a lot of things that happened, but I'll give you the play by play first off, starting with how I saw it and my conversation with Kevin, because when the guy came through the hallway, of course he yells to get down on the ground. 

And so Kevin, he is on the ground with his head facing the inter exit where you would walk in and out between the kitchen and the dining room. And I am facing my head is facing his head. So we kind of formed like an L both of our faces are on the, on the floor. You know, we're kind of star fished out. And the perpetrator had walked, pep, penetrated the hallway past me. 

And it's kind of standing behind me on the inside and he's making his way towards the registers. And so here's where it gets kind of funny. My friend, Kevin Kennan were laying on the ground like cheeks on the cold fricking concrete. Right. And he's like, George, I go, yeah, what's up. He says, when the guy comes back, I'm going to grab his leg. 

I go, what, what what'd you say? He says, when the guy comes back, when he runs through, I'm going to grab his leg and I'm thinking, you know, I'm thinking like, that's a, that's a fucking horrible idea. So I'm thinking, so I go, I don't say that. I just, I just tell Kevin, like, why, why, why are you going to grab his leg and Kevin pauses? And he's like, the fuck you talking about, he's robbing us. 

And I'm like, man, I think it's a bad idea. Like, you don't get any leverage, man. Like you think you're just, you think he's going to reach up and pull him down. Like you can't do that, man. Why don't you just pull on his pant leg and like, let them know you're here. The guy has a gun, man. That's a stupid idea. He's like what? I'm like, why don't you just reach up and like tickle his leg a little bit. Then Kevin gets quiet and he's like, the fuck. Are you talking about, why would I tickle the guy's leg? He's like, that's stupid. And I'm like, yeah. So was your idea. So as we're bickering the guy with the guns, like, Hey, you have to shut the fuck up, knock it off over there, mother fuckers. 

So I told my friend, Kevin, like, I, I, I take my hand and I do well, jazz fingers. I'm like, get it, get giddy, giddy, get it, get it. He starts laughing. And I started laughing. It's pretty funny. You know? And that's one of those moments. It's a crisis where, you know, it's even now thinking about it. I start laughing, but it was pretty traumatic. It's pretty traumatic. But you can find those little nuggets of humor when crazy things happen like that. 

Another time, this one is not as violent of a story, but it's more of a story of being kind of quick witted and having the ability to recover. When you find yourself in a position of a position of ridicule, let me explain to you what happened and at this one. So this is in my younger days, I was probably 26, 27 and we had shot out to Vegas. 

Me and my buddy, me and my actually a lot of us had shot up to Vegas. And me and my buddy, Mario, a couple of girls were with us, I think maybe chance Mike rain, maybe Bernie. And we went to this big festival and it was awesome. Had a great time tearing it up, had a bunch of boots and some gambling. And this, he was a, it was like a theme party. 

So we were all kind of dressed up. I think it was like a pimp and whole party or something. And so we tore up the whole event, had a great time and you know, two 30 or three o'clock and shut down. And we were going to, we ended up hooking up with some people that were going to go to this after hours party. So we're walking to a, I didn't even know the people who's after our party. It was, but ended up being like at the, not the penthouse, but you know, pretty high up, pretty high up. 

I, it might've been at the four seasons out there. And as we were walking, like I ran into an old, old friend. I hadn't seen in a while. Like we kind of crossed paths and I was like, you know, you know how like you're walking and you see a friend, but you're still with your group. 

Speaker 0 (17m 50s): So you don't want to stop too long. So I see this guy, that's got a Ricky and he's like, dude, what up? George doll? Vegas, man, you haven't fun. I'm like, Oh yeah, we're hitting up this after hours party. He goes, Oh yeah, yeah. And he takes, he's like, Hey man, protect your hand. I go, all right. And he puts these two pills in my hand. He's like, eat those. So I eat them and like, he stops, like I eat him and then he just goes quiet and he goes, wait a minute, don't eat those. 

You know? So I'm like, Oh man, what? No, I'm kind of freaking out a little bit. I'm like, do I already ate him? He starts laughing. He goes, Oh, no worries. I got some more of those. Those are my last two. My friend has more. And I'm like, well, what were they? And he's like, Oh, those were, those were two hits ecstasy. I was like, what? So long story longer. I keep walking. I'm like, all right, well, Hey, you know what? I might as well enjoy it. So I don't trip out. And it takes about, we kind of got to catch a cab and then we walk around a little bit. 

And by the time we get to the hotel, we're going to the four seasons. You know, by the time we get out there and get situated, it's like an hour and a half. And like, dude, there's some like minor celebrities there. And you know, the view is breathtaking, man. I remember just looking out like this huge window and being like, Oh my God, what does that Dennis Rodman over there kind of tripping out. And like, but all of a sudden, like the pills start hitting me. 

You got, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know if anybody's, if you've never taken ecstasy before, but you know about an hour and a half in two hours in all of a sudden you're like, you know, you're taking some pretty deep breaths. Everything's kind of breathing. Your mouth is dry. You're kind of chewing the inside of your mouth. And I thought it was a pretty good time to take a seat and kind of kick back for a minute. So I'm sitting at the table, there's like a little dining room area and I'm sitting at this table and kind of close my eyes for a little bit because that's how I was feeling. 

I was enjoying it, sipping some water and you know, I didn't think I had my eyes closed for that long, but I kept, I kept feeling like that pins and needles. You know what I mean, by that, like, you kind of feel like the little pins and needles, like if your arm falls asleep or your leg feels asleep and then when it, when you wake back up, it kind of gets you like that little shocky, that little pins and needles feeling. I was feeling that all over my body, but then like I kept kind of feeling it like on my cheek, but it was a little bit harder. 

Like it didn't really, it felt like more like a little, like a little tapping or something. And I kept feeling like every few seconds. And so I'm like, what the heck is that? And so I kind of opened my eyes and you know, I probably looked like I was just out of control. I mean, I was out of control. Who am I kidding? And so I feel it on my cheek again. And I opened my eyes when I look around and I see these two girls in the kitchen that were like, Oh man, they were beautiful. 

Like think they were vague as beautiful. You know what I mean? By that they were vague as beautiful. Like they were all wearing some kind of designer dress, but like they just look really attracted, really sexy and their hair was all done. They look really pretty. And I looked at them and I looked around and they were just talking to themselves and plus I'm out of it, man. I'm like two pills deep. So I don't really know what's going on. 

And so I kind of, I just looked down at the ground. I was like these little ball, like, it looks like little, little balls on the ground. I'm trying to put this together. And I'm like, dude, what the hell? And as I'm doing that pink, like a spit wad hits me on the cheek. And then like, I come to the realization, Oh, these fucking girls, these girls are shooting spit wads at me. Right. So like, as I'm thinking that, look, I hear him chuckling. And I'm like, ah, these girls, I'm thinking to myself, dude, how do I, how do I tackle this situation? 

I got two hot girls, spitting, spit wads at me. How do I turn this thing around? So I, I raised up my head and I look over there and I catch them, like grow out of the stronger mouth. And I'm like, ah, you know what? I look at him and I smile and I'm like, Hey, are you gross? Are you go shooting spit wads at me? And they both start laughing. And they were like, yeah, yeah, we definitely were. We wrote, we had a bet to see how many we could hit you with before you realized it. 

And I kind of started laughing and I'm like, well, who won the bet? And they're like, well, no one yet. And so they're like, well, we were just kind of worried about you too. Like, you were like kinda mumbling and like you were bobbing your head, all crazy. Are you all right? And I'm like, you know what, ladies, you have no idea what happened to me on the way out here. It's the craziest story that has ever happened in my life. And I don't, I just, I'm trying to process it. 

I don't know if anybody can make any sense of it. And so now I've peaked their interest and they're like, really? I'm like, yeah, it's crazy. I don't, you want to hear it? And they were like, yeah, absolutely. So in this, in this room, there's probably like 50 people. And as I tell that to the girl, as I tell the girls, I'm gonna tell you the story. They kind of come over and they sit down and they're like, Hey, who are you here with? And I'm like, Oh, see that guy over there. That's my buddy, Mario, he's playing some dominoes, something over there. 

And they're like, Oh, you're with that guy. And I'm like, yeah, see those girls over there, the twins over there, I'm with them. And they're like, what? You're not with those girls. I'm like, yeah, you're right. I'm not with him. I mean, with me, you know, I've got to flip it on them. Yeah. A little bit. So they start laughing and they didn't believe me. They were like, those are not your friends. And I'm like, those are totally my friends. So I say, Hey, Mario, what up? And I'm going to tell him that story about the right out here. Kind of give him the heads up. Like, I'm going to tell the story. 

And then I tell the girls, Hey ladies, I'm going to tell this girl the story, do you care? And they're like, Oh George, you're going to tell them that story. Oh, well, yeah. And so as I do that, I, you know, more people are beginning to, to hear me talk. And so those two girls that were in the kitchen come and they sit there down next to me. And as I go, my friend, Mario, and then the girls hear me about to tell the story. So they kind of walk over this way a little bit and they bring the people they were talking to. 

So as I begin the story, theirs started off with two people and then four and then 10. And then, you know, everybody in that room was kind of jacked up. So as the story progressed, I pretty much got everybody's attention. And I'll tell you the story. Like I told it to them. So here's, here's what transpire. So those girls come and sit down next to me, let me get a drink of water. 

So those girls come and sit down next to me and they're like, okay, tell me what happened. I go, all right. I go, well, me and my buddy, Mario, and these two beautiful ladies right here, we were on our way to Vegas. And you know, we were driving my, I had a 76 Cadillac Eldorado. It was badass and we're driving and me and my buddy, Mario super cool cat. 

Sometimes we would, you know, we're too, we're too. Like we were too young, swinging dicks. And we would always kind of compete with each other a little bit. And you know, how guys are men, especially young guys just talking a lot of shit. And so we get out to like a little bit past Barstow, which for us was a little bit past halfway. And there's a, you know, there's nothing out there. And I don't know if it was, I don't think it was physics. It was, it was some obscure off ramp, but there was like a, a guy out there that was like, dude, he's like a bum. 

You know what I mean? Have like a long trench coat on scraggly hair had all his belongings and like a plastic shopping bag. And so we're cruising. And my, my buddy Mario goes, Hey, George, I dare you to pick that guy up. You know? And I'm like, dude, that, that guy up there and I'm like, I'll fucking do it. Cause he's trying to get, you know what I mean? He's trying to make me look like a punk. He's like, I'll make you look dumb in front of these girls. 

But me with my ego, I'm like, alright, I'll do it. And so as I slowed down the Cadillac, like I pull over a little bit and do the guys, ah, he was a real gym. You know what I mean? By like that he was, he just looked like the wrong guy to pick up. So of course I pick him up and it gets even crazier because, 

Speaker 2 (27m 36s): So yeah, 

Speaker 0 (27m 36s): The Cadillac, there was, there was I'm driving. My buddy was sitting shotgun and then the two girls are in the back. So the hitchhiker, he jumps in the back and he, he gets in next to the girls now, already. I know what you're thinking. You're like, this is a horrible idea, George. And that's exactly what I was thinking. And so in my mind, I'm like, okay, well we'll just drive for a little bit and then we'll kick this guy out or something. 

Speaker 2 (28m 4s): And it was, it was, yeah, 

Speaker 0 (28m 5s): It's really awkward silence. So the guy gets in and we start driving a little bit and now all of us are like, okay, what are we doing? This is dumb. And like, he kind of scoots over close to the girls that the girls are sitting next to each other on the left side. And now he's right next to him on the right hand side. And 

Speaker 2 (28m 23s): You know, to make sure 

Speaker 0 (28m 25s): To make some conversation, people are trying to ask them questions. Like one of the girls asked himself, Hey, what's your name? And like, he just, he's just dead silent. He doesn't say anything. And then, you know, the, she tries again like, Oh, where are you headed to? And like, he just doesn't say anything. He just has like, his just eyes are like stone just staring forward. And so my buddy Mario turns around and he's like, what's up, man? He's like, Hey, what'd you got in your bag there. And the guy's like, fuck you, none of your goddamn business. 

What's in my bag. Like after, like he didn't say anything, but when you talked about his bag, do you sort of flipping my buddy, Mario is a pretty big guy. So like, I could see him kind of change, but buddy miles, like, okay, I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to knock this clown out. And so we're driving a little bit, you know, and I'm looking, there's no real pull off. So I can't really pull off. But I'm thinking like, okay, I'm at the next little turnout I'm going to pull off and fucking kick this guy out of here. And so I'm trying to make time looking for a spot. 

So I turned around and I'm like, dude, listen, man, we're cool enough to give you a ride. If you got a gun or you got some drugs in there, cause now I'm thinking maybe the guy's got a gun in there. Maybe he's got something in there that like, you know, could kill us. Or maybe he's got something in there that's like, or you know, why would he get all butt hurt when you ask about his bag? And so I, I turn, I am driving in my glove, man, if you got like some drugs, you got a gun in there. Just tell us, you know, and look, we're going to drop you off, but I want to know what's in there so that, you know, if we get pulled over or something, I'm not responsible for it. 

And he's like, fuck you, none of your goddamn yet with my bag. Fuck all you guys, man. You all want my fucking bag? What do you got your biz? What's in my bag. So at this point in time, there was nowhere to turn over. So I just pull off kind of by the side of the road and we get out and the guy gets it like opened the door. My first, my buddy Mario jumps out. Like the girls are super scared. So, but Mario jumps out the side, grabs, this guy, pulls him out. I get out the driver's side and I come around and like, there's some shoving that goes on. And like, dude, a buddy of mine, I'll just wow. 

Like show this guy super hard. He falls to the ground, he gets back up and then he kind of gets in our face and he's cussing. And he's like, yeah, motherfucker, you just being a belligerent. You know what I mean? Just being a belligerent. He was like, you won't, you, you just want to focus, deal by bag. None of your business. What's in my bag. And so like, that's it. We pushed him. We didn't hit him or run him over like that. We just pushed him. And then he got up. He started walking away. So imagine that so far. Imagine that process. Now I'm telling this story in front of this whole room of people, some of whom I know and some of whom I don't know. 

And the whole room is now listening to my whole story. Like just hanging on the edge, like 50 people at this party, you know, especially the two girls that were shooting spit wads at me, it's important. And so back to the story, after we pushed the guy, he runs out, we jumped back in the Cadillac and we're driving and the girls, they just let me and my buddy Mario ha like, they're like, you guys are so dumb. Like why would you do that? First off, that guy sat back here with us. 

We were in danger. You guys are fucking egomaniacs. That was so dumb. You put us in danger and you know, like that could have been a real issue. And so obviously they're right there. Right? And so there's another uncomfortable silence for like 10 minutes. Like we're all just kind of processing what happened. Like, yeah, that was, that was really dumb. We shouldn't have done that. And so then one of the girls says guys, or like, yeah, she goes, the fucking guy left his bag in here. 

And we were all like, what? No way she goes, yeah, he fucking left it right here in the middle of the seat. It was crazy. Like all of that, all that smack talking, all that shit about none of your business, what's in the bag and the fucking guy left it right in the seat. I know what you're thinking because everybody at the party was thinking the same thing, right when I said that, right. 

When I said to the whole party, I said, listen, then the guy left his fucking bag in the car. You know what everybody in unison said at the party in one voice. But the two girls next to me that were shooting spit wads. What was in the bag? What was in the bag? And then, you know what I said, none of your fucking business. Oh, and the crowd goes wild. 

And the crowd goes wild. George Moni swinging for the fences. And that my friends is how I turn that particular situation around, which was not easy. Considering the state that I was in was just goes to prove, if you can take a few minutes to think about your strategy, the nine out of 10 times, you can come up with an idea that'll win. 

And a lot of times the ideal that will win will be the idea that makes people laugh. I took these. It was, it was phenomenal. It was phenomenal. These girls were looking at me like I was some sort of a wounded dog. I could see it in their eyes shooting spit wads at me, 15 minutes later, they're looking at me like, Oh my God, look at this guy, which brings, brings up another point. 

He who learns to speak in front of crowds. Well, we'll never have to dine or sleep alone. So that's what we got today. Finding humor in adversity, having the ability to think under pressure and coming up with ideas that make people laugh. If you can harness those little tidbits, I think you could find more meaning in your life and understand that when something crazy happens to you, it doesn't have to be a tragic event. 

It can be an opportunity. I love you guys. And I will talk to you soon. Have a great Monday Aloha. 




Held at gunpoint, Beautiful Women & Spitwads

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